Each time she told me the story, she had the most beautiful look on her face, and she would look far off in the distance, as if expecting to see it again. As a child, I remember looking in the same direction, trying to see what she saw, only later to understand that it was otherworldly, and that one day, I would see what she saw, when it was my ‘time’.

Part of the conversation she’d had with God was bargaining for more time. She was 33 when I was born, and asked for her life over, to raise her 4 kids, watch them grow up, perhaps get married and have children of their own, and then she would gladly return Home. She came back to us fully expecting to die at 66, and she was okay with that. 

Having Irish heritage, we celebrated each of her birthdays in a big way, until she turned 66. We let that birthday quietly sneak in, as if unnoticed, and my whole family collectively held our breath throughout that entire year. When she turned 67, we had one heck of a bash. She had so much to celebrate. She was grateful for the gift of time, as were we, and she went on to have 4 more birthdays after that.

In 2010, on Mother’s Day, I learned that my mum’s journey was coming to an end. Because death had always been the invisible thread that bound us, she asked me to companion her through the last 6 weeks of her life and honor her wish to die at home, surrounded by her family.

I witnessed my mum's need to ‘get things in order', to dedicate possessions and to say her goodbyes. I also witnessed the sense of purpose it gave her to cross each of these items off her list. I realized that she was being an active participant in her dying when she was no longer in control of her living. So, at her request, we called her nearest and dearest home, sent an email to thank others for their love and friendship over the years, and had a Minister come to the house to give her last communion with my dad and my siblings. 

In those last days, she shared laughter, stories and tears with all of us, and then contentedly drifted from this life to the next. I was in awe of the peace it had given her to create the space she wanted to die in, to fill it with those she wanted there and to share her hopes of what was yet to come for all of us. The peace that all of that gave her helped the rest of us immensely with our grief, and so, I realized that it is something I could help create and facilitate for others who are dying, and their loved ones; to allow them a similar opportunity of beauty, openness and peace. 

Because of her enlightenment, I have never been afraid of being around a dying person, being present at the bedside when someone dies, or even dying myself. Because of her guidance, I have been able to hold space for the dying and support the grieving; first through my hospice volunteer work and now through my private practice. Because of her death, I heard and answered my calling to work with the dying. Because of my experience with losing her, I heard and answered my calling to work with the grieving. Because of her openness and spirituality, I heard and answered my calling to be a healer.  Because of her, my healing practice, Soul Journeys Healing & Companioning was born in January 2015 with the intention to "Help make Living, Dying and Grieving more Meaningful through Healing."

Although she is no longer in this world, my mother continues to be a very big part of my life. She is still the compass that guides me, and she will always be the very best part of me. In her memory and in honor of her, I will help to heal, enlighten and support the living, the dying and the grieving on their own soul journeys with compassion, curiosity and insight, as she taught me to.