I always had a loving relationship with my mom. Not to say that we didn’t have disagreements or that I didn’t challenge her as a youngster.
But Mom was someone who accepted others as they were and loved them unconditionally! My 3 siblings and I were blessed to have the childhood we did with both of our parents.
A stay-at-home busy mom of four, mom never did work outside of the home. However, she had a strong faith and was a valued volunteer at her church and for many years she worked in the Tuck Shop as a volunteer for Niagara Children’s Center.
She LOVED to cook & bake and always insisted on feeding visitors who stopped by. Her butter tarts were to die for!
It’s a family joke that I have issues with remembering details about my formative years. When reminiscing, I would barely recall being at an event, when my sister could tell me what outfit I was wearing and where I was sitting! So, I’m sharing about the last decade of mom’s life - times I remember very vividly. She endured more health challenges in her 80's than most of us would experience in our lifetime. Although petite and frail, due to her progressing severe osteoporosis, she was one of the strongest women I’ve ever known.
The string of physical challenges began in & around 2016 in her 80th year. Determined to keep osteoporosis at bay, Mom would walk daily, sometimes accompanied by a neighbour’s small dog. As she waited to cross at a stop sign one day, two large dogs jumped from a car window to “attack or play” with the dog Mom was walking. She got caught up in the leash, fell to the sidewalk and broke her hip. This resulted in a partial hip replacement and a 2-3 month stay for rehab at Shaver.
Once home, mom resumed her daily walks on our street to aid in her recovery. The first day she decided to extend her walk to go around the block, she fell on some construction rubble and broke her shoulder! No surgery this time, but months of healing at home with Dad as her caregiver.
Not long after her recovery, Dad’s cancer symptoms reared their ugly head and in January of 2018, he was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. Between January & late spring, he was in and out of the St. Catharines hospital, but home to celebrate Mom’s May 2nd birthday with us. They both failed to mention until a week later that Mom had tripped on a clothing rack at the Pen Center a couple of days before her birthday and had a fractured her pelvis! Shortly thereafter, Dad was admitted to Juravinski and mom was using a walker when we traveled back & forth to visit him in Hamilton.
After Dad’s passing in August of 2018, mom remained in her home with the help of family members and seemed to be doing quite well, until May 18th, 2019, when she was t-boned on her way home from the hairdresser. Her car was a write-off, and she was in emergency for 11 days, then Linhaven for rehab over the next 2-3 months, due to a broken sternum and two broken ribs.
In 2020, Mom came to the conclusion that it was time to start downsizing & leave her forever home. It was a huge adjustment for her, but she landed in a beautiful 2-bedroom condo at Ina Grafton in February of 2021. Mom continued her walking habit with one of her church friends who lived in her building. Sadly, in June, a few short months later, she was hospitalized for 3 weeks with 6 compression fractures in her spine and pelvis. Upon her return to her condo, PSW support was initiated, and mom had a little over a year of enjoying her new home, walking the halls & grounds of Ina Grafton.
Unbelievably, at the end of October 2022, Mom had another 4 day stay in the hospital with an additional 6 compression fractures. And at Christmas time she refused to go back to the hospital for what were most certainly more fractures. At this time, she made the decision to move into the Assisted Living building where she could receive more care.
Downsizing began again & the move took place in June of 2023. As nice as her new apartment with a balcony was, Mom never really got to enjoy it. In less than 2 months, she headed to the hospital again with a heart blockage and she refused the pacemaker. She was determined she wanted to die, but her heart kept beating during her hospital stays in St. Catharines & then Fort Erie. We were awaiting much needed Long Term care accommodations.
Years before, mom had been diagnosed with early signs of dementia. It and her physical decline progressed rapidly during the months of hospital stay and into her year or so of life in Heidehof. She had more visitors than anyone on the floor (not that she could always remember them). The unconditional love she showed throughout her 80 plus years came back to her tenfold.
Through all her hardships and failing health, both mentally and physically, Mom continued to care about others, often saying “go home - I’m well taken care of” or “let me make you a cup of tea” and finding it hard to understand why she couldn’t. She rarely complained about her pain or circumstances and prided herself in what she felt was helping the staff and her visitors!
Small, fragile, gentle, kind, but MIGHTY with strength beyond imagination! She was first my mother, forever my friend!
