WOW Gal Angel 

 Elisabeth Louisa (Striemer) Koll 

 You were the love of my childhood

The protector of my dreams

The hand that steadied me

The arms that held me

The voice that soothed me

The smile that encouraged me

And the heart that loved me

To abandon

 

You stroked my back with long fingernails

Sending tingly-tickly showers down my spine

You spread butter, quark and thick plum syrup on bread

Telling me the layers represented the houses I would own

 

You took me to church

Had me blessed by all the nuns

That came from their hospital dorm

To celebrate holy mass every Sunday

Each one of them

There were many

They were always so kind

To this day, I love catholic nuns

And I ask them to bless my children

Even though I left the church decades ago

 

You came to me in a dream

After so many strokes

After my mum’s call

I knew you would never wake up again

I was living far away

Across the waters

In the UK

And we sat on a train together

An old-fashioned one

 

When you tried to climb out of the window

Standing on your seat

After we had talked and laughed together

I begged you not to go into the light

I couldn’t let you go

 

When you asked why

I said I needed to say goodbye

“But you just did,” you reminded me gently.

I argued I needed to be there in person.

  

So you stayed for weeks of suffering

While I slept beside your bed

Taking care of you

Watching you dry up slowly

From inside

 

I talked a lot

Told you all the things

I hadn’t been able to before

For years

Because your stroke-ridden mind

Had not been able to process

You had talked on top of me

Interrupted me

And young as I was

I resented this

Even though I knew

You were out of your mind

I resented you not being there for me

In the way you had been in my childhood

 

But you never stopped loving me

Even when I came to visit from London once

You said: “I don’t know who you are,

But I know, I love you.”

Our bond was that strong!

 

I told you all the things

I had wanted to tell you before

While I held your hand

So gently because the slightest pressure hurt you

& made you start puffing

 

I touched you very lightly only

Gave you painkillers and cotton buds soaked in water

In a futile attempt to get some liquid into you

My livingroom is the room you died in

In the house you were born in

I wasn’t there

My cousin Max wasn’t there

 

We had stayed for so many weeks

Then gone home to London and Berlin

To take care of a few things

Cont'd at Right...

Only three days or less, I thought

You had been waiting for us to leave

So you could leave, too


You were the one person in my life

To love me unconditionally

To show me without holding back

I was your oldest grandchild

Adopted, not of your blood

But of your heart

You loved me to abandon

Always

And I still love you 


Do you remember

We always had to celebrate your saint’s day

19th November, Elisabeth of Thuringia

Because your birthday was on the 7th of January

Only a day after the three wise men’s day

And you lied about your birthday to strangers

You said you were a three-wise-men-child

You liked them so much

Because they went all that way

To celebrate the birth of a child

Not of their tribes

But of their hearts

 Just like you… 

You are always here with me.

When I talk about you to my children

Whom you never met in physical form

I feel your energy

Loving me, soothing me

Enveloping me in a gentle embrace

I know you’re here when I need you

I just wish I could hold you sometimes

 

Do you remember how you ran your nails

Up and down my back

When I was a child?

Lying in your bed

Sleeping over at the weekends?

                  

                   When you had had a few strokes

You still moved your fingers this way on my arm

But your palm and arm were resting on mine

So you kept going on the same spot

And even though it became scratchy after a while

I let you go on

I never stopped you

Because it was your love shining through

Your love always shone through

No matter how confused you were

 

When Tajun was born

He lay on my chest

Hands in tiny balls of fists

And on one hand

His fingers were moving

  

Open close

Open close

Open close

 

Just like you

The last time I saw you conscious…

 

My beloved Oma!

Most wonderful granny

In all the world!

 

I feel your presence

Your love envelopes me like a loving embrace

When I think about you

Talk about you

To the children

To someone

To anyone

 You were and still are… 

Purest LOVE! 

(©Tirzalishezz, 18/09/2012)

 Contributed by Elisabeth's grandaughter, Tirzalishezz


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